Category: Real Talk

Why I Totally Retired Part 2

So I wanted to do a bit of a follow up to m first post about retiring because I got A TON of messages and I wanted to really publicly answer a ton of questions!

So many people contact me stating its their dream and asking how I did it.  The answer is simple, I auditioned.  Do I know why I was cast beyond the fact I look like someone else who did the role? Nope! Not a single clue.

The brutal realities in the park is its hotter than you will ever imagine, you will sweat from places you never imagined you could sweat from, and you still better make your quota of families, all while looking picture perfect and not eating enough so you can fit in the smallest size possible so no one says anything about your silhouette.

READ THAT PARAGRAPH AGAIN, THEN AGAIN…. the mental manipulation that drives you to need to be that level of unattainable perfection never goes away.  The scars stay for life.  The obsession with unattainable perfection NEVER ever goes away.

When I left the parks and moved onto the parties the judgement the children had for each other was HEARTBREAKING!  Statements like “You can’t dress up as that princess you are too *insert horrible insult here (fat/ugly/dark you get the idea)” What are we teaching them?  Here I was in this giant gown telling myself I was teaching kindness, manners and goodness (what everyone claims princesses teach our girls) and this wasn’t the message that they were getting.  The message that was getting across was shallow, cruel and flat out mean.  I couldn’t be part of that!  I could be part of the shallowing out of our girls!  Why were we teaching them to be this?

The whole thing is just so incredibly heart breaking, we can and have to do better by this next generation!  I could no longer be part of the problem, I need to be part of the solution!

The Realities of Disordered Eating Relapse

Recently I was crippled with a relapse of chronic daily migraine that I have been able to keep at bay until recently.  This meant bringing in the big guns, a nasty seizure medication that has some crazy side effects including insane weight loss, loss of appetite and food just tastes super weird.

I have to put it out there, forcing myself to eat when food is not appealing and I am in no way hungry IS NOT EASY.  It awakens every demon in my soul that screams “do you really need to eat food? You are losing so much weight and maybe you might look passable one of these days”  The perk is I literally can’t sweat so I can’t go work out hard and make the weight loss more extreme.

Its a hard struggle, I have to keep an eye on the amount of weight loss, because there is a point where something has to be done to stop it, but the internal struggle to not to celebrate, not to pick apart my body and not to start down the guy rabbit hole.

This Friday I shoot with my photographer for the next round of outfits, I sit in fear of the comments, of the judgment and the shame.  Its a lot, 12 pounds in 2 weeks is a lot to lose.  Theres so many demons, so many thoughts, so many fears…

One day I hope that anyones struggle, anyones weight, anyones demon and darkness isn’t up for debate, isn’t up for scrutiny and people are accepted for who they are.  Lets just love people for who they are shall we?

Not gonne lie, none of this was easy to put out there but here it is!  The battle never ends and you are not alone!

Love and Light


Have a story you wanna share? Send me an email! I wanna hear it!

The Illegal Side of the Party Business

A new trend in the party business has cropped up recently and that is the “non profit.” I very purposefully use quotes as most are not actual non profits and not legally registered.  They just decided they don’t want to attempt to run an actual business and want to play dress up and stroke their own egos.

Let me make one really really really important distinction here, there are amazing real non profits with 501c3 designations legally run who do amazing work with sick and terminally ill children who drop everything to make magic and final wishes and they deserve any and every ounce of respect and support we can give them! They work hard and truly focus on making magic for sick children.  Lets stop taking away from these amazing organizations!  LET THEM DO WHAT THEY DO AMAZINGLY!!!

These “organizations” ask for donations with out a 501c3 designation posing as charities, or just simply approach organizations stating they are non profit (simply because they do not charge or don’t make a profit which are totally different than an actual non profit).  This hurts the real actual non profits with actual 501c3 designations with actual boards who are legally running their organizations and raising money.

There are so many girls who make princessing about them instead of the children and this has become a big funnel for it because “they are doing it for free so the quality doesn’t matter” but shouldn’t it matter more to be doing it for sick or dying children and shouldn’t it be even more about them at that point?

A Little Sparkle When She Went

This quote which perfectly describes the demographic of the Kate Spade empire (as they lovingly call her the “mad cap heroine”) hangs above many cash registers in outlet stores around the country. Former fashion editor Kate Bennett said. “(The brand) became one of those accessible but quirky fun, timeless labels that everyone had to have, and her rise was synonymous with her name.”

I still remember my first Kate Spade bag, I almost cried when the box arrived, I opened it and the beautiful blue coated leather was so incredibly crisp.  Its still perfect and I finally felt like I made it as an adult.  I remember buying my friend her first real all leather purse, because I couldn’t think of anything more fitting for the person who picked me up at my lowest low and pushed me to keep going.  The look on her face when she pulled it out of the bag was priceless, the pride every time she opens the wallet to this day.

The death of the designer Kate Spade is so incredibly sad, its the second suicide this year of someone influential in my life.  It seems so silly after learning about such an amazing person and company to say fashion can’t change the world. They were champions of quirky women with classic sensibilities, being who you are, believing in ethical practices and building up women around the world.  They are progressive, groundbreaking and pioneers and I really hope she was proud of what she created and started!

This may sound silly but I never felt a brand “got me” like Kate Spade has (and yes I’m aware she sold the company in 2007 but the brand identity was created long before then) with their mad cap heroine, their polka dots and quirky stores full of bright colors that shouldn’t go but somehow do.  Bags with pugs and cars just the right vintage throwback.  I was having a discussion the other week with someone and the discussion turned to Kate Spade and how you just felt the right amount of polished with out feeling stuffy or boring, just the right amount of girly and whimsy.

Love and Light and a lot of heart break


P.S. Do you have a Kate Spade story? When did you get your first bag?