So Dapper Day weekend was an insanely fun weekend, I really was able to escape hang out and not think about anything but having fun and dressing up.  I ate whatever I wanted and really didn’t think too much about it, something we all SHOULD be doing daily.  Monday morning came and I hopped on that scale and I had gained weight.  Every alarm bell went off in my brain and I started FREAKING OUT!  Every you are fat demon came running back at an insane pace.  I immediately started running with the incredibly unhealthy ways to quickly drop the weight back off.

I realized quickly what was happening, took a giant deep breath and reexamined with fresh eyes what was really going on.  Taking that quick breath stopped me from spiraling down an incredibly scary and dangerous path.  The battle never really ends with our demons.  The little voice that says “You aren’t skinny enough, you aren’t pretty enough, you aren’t good enough, you aren’t enough” always will exist.  Its up to us wether or not we choose to listen to it.  Its a serious battle every day, its a battle of wether or not I want to win or give in.  But every day I choose me!  I choose living and I choose happiness.  Its been a long tough road to get to a place where its a choice for me and where it doesn’t control my life any more and every day I am grateful for that because I know for so many its not that easy and it hasn’t always been.

For the longest time that little thing controlled my worth, value and self esteem.  Those demons still lurk so many years later, despite being “recovered,” we all have our good days and bad and its ok.  Everything is about what you choose to do with them.  Don’t let the demons that lurk control your life!

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