Real Talk

The Realities of Disordered Eating Relapse

Recently I was crippled with a relapse of chronic daily migraine that I have been able to keep at bay until recently.  This meant bringing in the big guns, a nasty seizure medication that has some crazy side effects including insane weight loss, loss of appetite and food just tastes super weird.

I have to put it out there, forcing myself to eat when food is not appealing and I am in no way hungry IS NOT EASY.  It awakens every demon in my soul that screams “do you really need to eat food? You are losing so much weight and maybe you might look passable one of these days”  The perk is I literally can’t sweat so I can’t go work out hard and make the weight loss more extreme.

Its a hard struggle, I have to keep an eye on the amount of weight loss, because there is a point where something has to be done to stop it, but the internal struggle to not to celebrate, not to pick apart my body and not to start down the guy rabbit hole.

This Friday I shoot with my photographer for the next round of outfits, I sit in fear of the comments, of the judgment and the shame.  Its a lot, 12 pounds in 2 weeks is a lot to lose.  Theres so many demons, so many thoughts, so many fears…

One day I hope that anyones struggle, anyones weight, anyones demon and darkness isn’t up for debate, isn’t up for scrutiny and people are accepted for who they are.  Lets just love people for who they are shall we?

Not gonne lie, none of this was easy to put out there but here it is!  The battle never ends and you are not alone!

Love and Light


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